oh gosh, i can't believe it's 03:41am!! and i am actually having 3 good msn conversations. one about relationships with faye, sleeping patterns with sophie, and ash is telling me how he has been playing world of warcraft since 8pm (absolute nerd).
i have no idea why i'm up. i'm sitting in bed and thinking to myself, if i have fuck all to do tomorrow, i may as well sleep in til noon.
i think i'll go to the library and get some books out tomorrow. i spend too much time watching tv and being on the internet. i don't want to become some fat lazy cyber freak.
i'm highly dissappointed as i was supposed to see emily tomorrow. we go off to rome together, then don't see each other for nearly a year and a half! but alas plans have fallen through so all i have to look forward to is the fact ethan is coming round for late night chats and bringing clint eastwoods new film with him YES!
OH today i got signed up with an agency who supply tv and film extras and walk on's. this means you may see me on eastenders! i really would love to be able to sit in the queen vic. meet peggy. maybe phil.
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
best served ice cold
literally after just saying the words 'best served ice cold' in my head i need to get some ice cold diet coke. i intend on sending jon down to the shop as he forgot to get me my happy hippo earlier. i love those things.
i've decided since i am god damn awful with money, i am keeping a record of all the money i spend. literally every penny, even the spare 1p's and 2p's that i chuck into charity boxes, they will be noted. it will give me a clear and concise cut of what garbage my money is being wasted on.
if i wasn't so addicted to buying dvd's and diet coke it would be so much simpler.
as i laid in bed last night, not being able to sleep, i started to worry that i am going to end up with rotting teeth with the amount of soda i drink. everytime i see one of those pictures on cigarette packets of green tounges and decayed teeth i start screaming in my head. AAARGGH.
i joined the library yesterday. it's my attempt to start getting back into reading, although i don't have a CLUE where to start, so if someone can recommend any good books that would be aweeee-some.
xo
p.s. i don't know why, but lately i seem to be enjoying this dashing group of studmuffins for the first time since 1997:
i've decided since i am god damn awful with money, i am keeping a record of all the money i spend. literally every penny, even the spare 1p's and 2p's that i chuck into charity boxes, they will be noted. it will give me a clear and concise cut of what garbage my money is being wasted on.
if i wasn't so addicted to buying dvd's and diet coke it would be so much simpler.
as i laid in bed last night, not being able to sleep, i started to worry that i am going to end up with rotting teeth with the amount of soda i drink. everytime i see one of those pictures on cigarette packets of green tounges and decayed teeth i start screaming in my head. AAARGGH.
i joined the library yesterday. it's my attempt to start getting back into reading, although i don't have a CLUE where to start, so if someone can recommend any good books that would be aweeee-some.
xo
p.s. i don't know why, but lately i seem to be enjoying this dashing group of studmuffins for the first time since 1997:
Monday, 9 February 2009
the dead flag blues.
i don't know if this is about the apocalypse or money, but i have a picture in my head everytime i hear it....
The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn
We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death
The sun has fallen down
And the billboards are all leering
And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles
It went like this
The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair
The skyline was beautiful on fire
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze
I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful..
These are truly the last days"
You grabbed my hand and we fell into it
Like a daydream or a fever
We woke up one morning and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death
I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood
The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn
We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death
The sun has fallen down
And the billboards are all leering
And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles
It went like this
The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair
The skyline was beautiful on fire
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze
I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful..
These are truly the last days"
You grabbed my hand and we fell into it
Like a daydream or a fever
We woke up one morning and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death
I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood
Sunday, 8 February 2009
zzZZZZZZZzzzz
i'm amazed at how long some people can sleep for. sophie stayed round last night and hasn't yet risen from her deep sleep in the sauna that is amanda's room. althought i just looked at the clock and it's 12:01, not actually that late.
okay onto the "important stuff". you know when you just really can't be bothered with something? i was looking forward to going out on friday, but when i got in from the city, i took a nap and amanda came in and went SOPH!!! (like it was a crime that i was having a sleep 8 hours before we were due to go out?!) being woken up from that made it increasingly difficult to hype up and get in a good mood for scala. so i didn't bother.
i watched paris hiltons british best friend. cringe and cringe some more.
my cat is making it hard to type right now. aside from what i can only describe as clinically BAD BREATH, he has to try and wriggle his way onto my chest which seems to be his favorite place to sit. and now he is licking himself.
okay onto the "important stuff". you know when you just really can't be bothered with something? i was looking forward to going out on friday, but when i got in from the city, i took a nap and amanda came in and went SOPH!!! (like it was a crime that i was having a sleep 8 hours before we were due to go out?!) being woken up from that made it increasingly difficult to hype up and get in a good mood for scala. so i didn't bother.
i watched paris hiltons british best friend. cringe and cringe some more.
my cat is making it hard to type right now. aside from what i can only describe as clinically BAD BREATH, he has to try and wriggle his way onto my chest which seems to be his favorite place to sit. and now he is licking himself.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
betrayal five
so i can't stop watching scrubs, series 5 has proved to be a great success.
its 2:35am. i have been attempting to get to sleep for the past hour but i have so many thoughts running through my head it's like clapham junction in there. completely impossible to sleep even though i'm shattered.
i question my own mental sanity sometimes. even though something is in my face, so obvious, i'm so scared of change i would rather live my life doubting myself than speak out and give myself a break.
one thing in my life kept me going. one thing i thought was genuine. the one thing that it was i thought would never change and never ever make me feel as low as i do right now.
i have one question running through my head, but it's the one thing i never want to know. never knowing is going to haunt me for a long time- this is a good example of ways in which i torture myself.
i don't know if i'm okay, but i can put on a brave face and hope and pray that nothing like this will ever happen to me again.
its 2:35am. i have been attempting to get to sleep for the past hour but i have so many thoughts running through my head it's like clapham junction in there. completely impossible to sleep even though i'm shattered.
i question my own mental sanity sometimes. even though something is in my face, so obvious, i'm so scared of change i would rather live my life doubting myself than speak out and give myself a break.
one thing in my life kept me going. one thing i thought was genuine. the one thing that it was i thought would never change and never ever make me feel as low as i do right now.
i have one question running through my head, but it's the one thing i never want to know. never knowing is going to haunt me for a long time- this is a good example of ways in which i torture myself.
i don't know if i'm okay, but i can put on a brave face and hope and pray that nothing like this will ever happen to me again.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
a lack of sleep and a lack of food
the past week has been...well pretty much amazing. i found myself soaking in the bathtub last night making darth vader noises to myself, feeling the most relaxed i have been in a while since i haven't had any time to myself.
after faye and i ventured to oxford last thursday, we have been non stop ever since; to sum it up briefly without rambling, since thursday has been filled with- kris roe acoustic show, staying up all night watching r kelly - trapped in the closet, fayes house, night out in reading, every cocktail on the wetherspoons menu, free sunday lunch at ethan's pub, loose women, you me at six video shoot, sheen & finally i got to relax yesterday.
it was brilliant!
after faye and i ventured to oxford last thursday, we have been non stop ever since; to sum it up briefly without rambling, since thursday has been filled with- kris roe acoustic show, staying up all night watching r kelly - trapped in the closet, fayes house, night out in reading, every cocktail on the wetherspoons menu, free sunday lunch at ethan's pub, loose women, you me at six video shoot, sheen & finally i got to relax yesterday.
it was brilliant!
Friday, 23 January 2009
Barack
yesterday was a spontaneous day which i love. spontanity is an exciting thing. faye and i decided to go to oxford last minute to jon's show. it was a good night indeed but who knew you could get lost on the M25?!
i haven't said a single word about america having a new president but i think i hate america a bit less now. george bush is one of the worst things to happen to the world and i would feel fully ashamed to have that pillock running the country i live in.
tonight should be good, kris roe from the ataris acoustic show in camden. just what you need after having to endure escape the fate the previous night. i have never seen such an awful band in my life.
xo
i haven't said a single word about america having a new president but i think i hate america a bit less now. george bush is one of the worst things to happen to the world and i would feel fully ashamed to have that pillock running the country i live in.
tonight should be good, kris roe from the ataris acoustic show in camden. just what you need after having to endure escape the fate the previous night. i have never seen such an awful band in my life.
xo
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