trap door

i'm starting to get worried. i hardly have any fingernails left to chew. gross, but yeah. it's true. i hate feeling anxious. you can push something to the back of your mind and be fine, yet it always manages to push it's way to the front of your head and put you off your goats cheese and caramelised onion pizza.

i need to put my business plan into action pronto. first i need an investor which isn't likely to happen for a long time. i decided against getting my dad involved, it would end in tears.

on a brighter note the house feels very calm. it's 24 days now until we move to the new house and i am in desperate need of a new job. everything is happening so quickly.

i'm glad i have my amazing friends, family and boyfriend to lean on when i need them.

xo

11:27

i feel guilty that i haven't bothered with blogspot much anymore. apart from the '06 stalker incident, something i have always bothered with is a blog. i don't know why people would read it and i don't even , sometimes, know why i do it myself.

so the past few days have been interesting. in a bid to leave the redhead in the past, i opted for a light ash brown colour. erm big mistake, i am blonde and i look ridiculous. i should NEVER be blonde. being naturally dark gives me brown eyes and black eyebrows, blonde hair makes me look like a muppet. literally, like one of the muppets.

so today i am going to venture to boots and go dark again. i haven't been brunette for a while.

my motivation seems to have gone out the window, i find it so challenging to do simple things like walk to the shop. i still haven't brought cat food for vinnie so he has been living on frankfurters for the past 2 days. ahh thats mean. i think i need to go out and sort my life out!

xo

club tropicana drinks are free

i've started making my bed in the mornings.

wow

wow how long has it been since i wrote in here and wow how things have turned around in the past few weeks.

i was at the point where i had lost my best friend, boyfriend and home all in the space of two days. if i believed in god i would believe that he was thinking 'i feel sorry for you, have a break'. (god is a lie).

jon and me sorted things out and things seem a lot better now, although i miss him alot since he's away on tour. it seemed pointless to me that we were throwing away a long term relationship based on things that can be turned around and changed.

we got a new house. it's a whole house and it's lovely. it's in twickenham and the people renting it to us are genuine angels, the rent is cheap and no deposit which is perfect for us in our time of financial difficulty i.e. no money whatsoever.

.....

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