Monday, 8 June 2009


i slept for 12 hours last night/today. very much unlike me. awoken by a bang on the door and jumping out of bed, thinking the sofa had arrived, turns out it was an unneccessary knock as the postpan just put the letter through the door anyway. epic headrush.

Sunday, 7 June 2009

dot dot dot

jesus, the term lazy sunday has taken itself to a whole new level. my only attempt at effort for the day has been putting on leggings and a hoody while jades parents were here in an attempt to show them i'm not a 100% bum.

i put forward the challenge for someone to find something more enthralling than facebook or websites dedicated to chuck norris.

Saturday, 6 June 2009

the wolf

this week has been ace. faye and i have been so busy getting everything sorted. i am so glad she has moved in now, plus being woken up with a cuppa is an added bonus of living with faye.

we have been putting a lot of time and effort into the house this week, late on wednesday night, about 1am, we started ripping wallpaper off from the kitchen walls. next day we went to homebase and got some paint, i made it my mission to finish it in one day. 11 and a half hours of solid work, my fingers are still cramped into the paintbrush holding position. torture. i don't know what motivated me to do it all, i normally get bored of projects so quickly and look for something else to start then not end up finishing.

i've been feeling like less of a misanthrope lately. i guess now everything is sorted- the deposit on the house, rent etc, most of the underlying stress has subsided. thank fuck, i thought my hair was about to start falling out.

got woken up at 6am today by cats fighting outside, one of which was my cat. i am getting increasingly worried about his wildcat nature!!! i'm still pretty tired at 11:32am, the plan is to chill and watch the remainder of pulp fiction that i was too tired to watch last night.


Thursday, 28 May 2009

you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool

what a strange couple of weeks i have had. it's been like bi polar for beginners, one day i will be up next day i will be at my lowest.

i decided i needed to take a break from all the stress and went off to swindon to see some friends and family for a few days. probably the best thing i have done in such a long time. you get such a realisation about who are the most important people in your life when you go through shit, in some ways i'm glad that those things happened because it really did make me realise my true friends.

after i got back from swindon, i went off to leeds at 6:45am sunday morning for slam dunk fest. 15 miles outside leeds, benhams tyre burst so we had to sit on the side of the m1 and wait for the AA. 7 hours in total that journey took. not an ideal day after being up at the crack of dawn.

slam dunk itself was 'okay'. i didn't get to spend enough time with the people i wanted to, the place was too hot and packed full of 5000 sweaty bettys. much worse than last year.

Wednesday, 13 May 2009

you shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame.

again, i am guilty of neglecting my blogspot. i don't know what in hell i have been doing. it's not like i haven't had no spare time to update, i was unemployed for near enough 2 months. thats right, i am employed now. only time will tell how long for.

this is me today. the big difference between picture "a" and picture "b" is bad news. can you see it written all over my face? i can. but i know my face better than anyone else does.
regardless of bad news, i was still watching the inbetweeners and i still felt the need to take a photo of myself.

but still, you know how i do and what i always do is let my thoughts eat my brains until the pain makes me explode with word vomit!! it's just the way i am. i wouldn't call myself a loose cannon, it's what you should love about me.

it was wonderful just sitting here feeling like a melodramatic misanthrope for the past five minutes, only for my favourite song to start playing off itunes. lavley.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

i like-a do da cha cha.

it's 19:40pm. i'm finally chilling out. i haven't listened to music all day, mainly due to the fact that there is a very noise punjab next door blasting his music and there is definitely a microphone involved. my chair is actually vibrating. but it's mainly because i feel actually content with being in a quiet room for once.

we have finally moved house, i have to admit, it was kind of sad saying goodbye to the old flat but my feelings of sadness lasted all of 30 seconds when i remembered all the shit we have been through there. don't get me wrong, there were good times....but i guess the bad ones had more impact and have just impaled themselves into my brain. forever wimbledon will be associated with arguments and betrayal.
the new house is so lovely, i could turn to the left and look out my window right now if i wanted to and see trees and trees. and small children playing with a washing line in the garden next door.

i can also see now how easy it is to get addicted to call of duty. i've been playing it for the past two days and it is very very addictive.

Saturday, 18 April 2009

i'm gonna probe ya, 'cos i'm the intern.

i was in my kitchen a while ago looking for something to eat, i decided to feed the cat because he wouldn't shut up, so i put some biscuits in his bowl. as i stood up my eyes drifted to the wide open windows of the upstairs flat next door ours, to my horror seeing a PENIS. i have not once bumped into my next door neighbours but i guarantee, four days before we are due to move house, i am going to be leaving my house at the exact same time he is and all i will be able to see is his willy.

moving day is on thursday. although we are moving all our big stuff up tomorrow. this means i am having to spend 4 nights sleeping in the spare bed with jade- the most brutal sleeper ever. you wake up with bruises, seriously.

it's 00:30, i've been packing up my stuff, kind of, got bored so quickly so i have decided to get up early and do it.

literally have nothing else to say except patrick swayze roolz, always.

Monday, 30 March 2009

trap door

i'm starting to get worried. i hardly have any fingernails left to chew. gross, but yeah. it's true. i hate feeling anxious. you can push something to the back of your mind and be fine, yet it always manages to push it's way to the front of your head and put you off your goats cheese and caramelised onion pizza.

i need to put my business plan into action pronto. first i need an investor which isn't likely to happen for a long time. i decided against getting my dad involved, it would end in tears.

on a brighter note the house feels very calm. it's 24 days now until we move to the new house and i am in desperate need of a new job. everything is happening so quickly.

i'm glad i have my amazing friends, family and boyfriend to lean on when i need them.


Tuesday, 24 March 2009


i feel guilty that i haven't bothered with blogspot much anymore. apart from the '06 stalker incident, something i have always bothered with is a blog. i don't know why people would read it and i don't even , sometimes, know why i do it myself.

so the past few days have been interesting. in a bid to leave the redhead in the past, i opted for a light ash brown colour. erm big mistake, i am blonde and i look ridiculous. i should NEVER be blonde. being naturally dark gives me brown eyes and black eyebrows, blonde hair makes me look like a muppet. literally, like one of the muppets.

so today i am going to venture to boots and go dark again. i haven't been brunette for a while.

my motivation seems to have gone out the window, i find it so challenging to do simple things like walk to the shop. i still haven't brought cat food for vinnie so he has been living on frankfurters for the past 2 days. ahh thats mean. i think i need to go out and sort my life out!


Thursday, 19 March 2009

Saturday, 14 March 2009


wow how long has it been since i wrote in here and wow how things have turned around in the past few weeks.

i was at the point where i had lost my best friend, boyfriend and home all in the space of two days. if i believed in god i would believe that he was thinking 'i feel sorry for you, have a break'. (god is a lie).

jon and me sorted things out and things seem a lot better now, although i miss him alot since he's away on tour. it seemed pointless to me that we were throwing away a long term relationship based on things that can be turned around and changed.

we got a new house. it's a whole house and it's lovely. it's in twickenham and the people renting it to us are genuine angels, the rent is cheap and no deposit which is perfect for us in our time of financial difficulty i.e. no money whatsoever.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

getting up and america

i should probably think about getting washed and dressed since it's almost 4pm and emily is coming round soon. i always love seeing emily, i don't see her enough these days. i really miss being 18, not having any worries about money etc, the only things we cared about was when heather and bryan were next going to france so we could plan our 'holidays' round emily's house.

i just watched bowling for columbine. i saw farenheit 911 and some other bits and pieces michael moore has done but this one blew me away. it really makes me wonder what grounds america use to base their loyal patriotics on. the americans are by far the most patriotic country in the world, yet bowling for columbine seemed to pinpoint every reason americans should want to flee. or at least live an amish existence.

i've been there a few times and i remember having to have photographs and fingerprints taken in new york. understandable seeing as it's been a city victimised by terror, but as michael moore proved, the americans invested millions in cia training toward osama bin laden; without that training would it of been possible for the terror attacks to be carried out?! it's a very political topic for those who have also seen zeitgeist and loose change.

this is a boring blog, i'm going to go and get ready.

Friday, 20 February 2009

00:13 GMT

ahh i'm so bored. after arguing with the virgin media guy for a longggg time, after he spent 45 minutes not helping me whatsoever, i called back and the guy fixed the problem straight away. hello 20mb broadband! it enabled me to be able to watch the biggie film.
it was brilliant. i love when actors do amazing justice to some of the most influential people ever lived. joaquin phoenix as johnny cash and sam riley as ian curtis, two fantastic examples.

so work is getting me down and to cheer myself up, i have been reading a book which i got out of the library written by kate kray called 'the 20 worst crimes ever committed'. i'm joking, i'm not that sadistic, i'm reading it out of pure curiosity- not to cheer myself up- it's brutal.

i was thinking today about how things change so quickly. we found out yesterday that our house that we rent is going to be put on the market by our landlady (for an extortionate price might i add). we could be out of here in two months. it was christmas only two months ago, it seems like no time whatsoever.

speaking of time, i don't have time to be writing this. i have been out of my head exhausted for the past few days and i need to get some rest!!


Thursday, 12 February 2009


oh gosh, i can't believe it's 03:41am!! and i am actually having 3 good msn conversations. one about relationships with faye, sleeping patterns with sophie, and ash is telling me how he has been playing world of warcraft since 8pm (absolute nerd).

i have no idea why i'm up. i'm sitting in bed and thinking to myself, if i have fuck all to do tomorrow, i may as well sleep in til noon.

i think i'll go to the library and get some books out tomorrow. i spend too much time watching tv and being on the internet. i don't want to become some fat lazy cyber freak.

i'm highly dissappointed as i was supposed to see emily tomorrow. we go off to rome together, then don't see each other for nearly a year and a half! but alas plans have fallen through so all i have to look forward to is the fact ethan is coming round for late night chats and bringing clint eastwoods new film with him YES!

OH today i got signed up with an agency who supply tv and film extras and walk on's. this means you may see me on eastenders! i really would love to be able to sit in the queen vic. meet peggy. maybe phil.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

best served ice cold

literally after just saying the words 'best served ice cold' in my head i need to get some ice cold diet coke. i intend on sending jon down to the shop as he forgot to get me my happy hippo earlier. i love those things.

i've decided since i am god damn awful with money, i am keeping a record of all the money i spend. literally every penny, even the spare 1p's and 2p's that i chuck into charity boxes, they will be noted. it will give me a clear and concise cut of what garbage my money is being wasted on.

if i wasn't so addicted to buying dvd's and diet coke it would be so much simpler.
as i laid in bed last night, not being able to sleep, i started to worry that i am going to end up with rotting teeth with the amount of soda i drink. everytime i see one of those pictures on cigarette packets of green tounges and decayed teeth i start screaming in my head. AAARGGH.

i joined the library yesterday. it's my attempt to start getting back into reading, although i don't have a CLUE where to start, so if someone can recommend any good books that would be aweeee-some.


p.s. i don't know why, but lately i seem to be enjoying this dashing group of studmuffins for the first time since 1997:

Monday, 9 February 2009

the dead flag blues.

i don't know if this is about the apocalypse or money, but i have a picture in my head everytime i hear it....

The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
And a dark wind blows
The government is corrupt
And we're on so many drugs
With the radio on and the curtains drawn

We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
And the machine is bleeding to death

The sun has fallen down
And the billboards are all leering
And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

It went like this

The buildings tumbled in on themselves
Mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble and pulled out their hair

The skyline was beautiful on fire
All twisted metal stretching upwards
Everything washed in a thin orange haze

I said, "Kiss me, you're beautiful..
These are truly the last days"

You grabbed my hand and we fell into it
Like a daydream or a fever

We woke up one morning and fell a little further down
For sure it's the valley of death

I open up my wallet
And it's full of blood

Sunday, 8 February 2009


i'm amazed at how long some people can sleep for. sophie stayed round last night and hasn't yet risen from her deep sleep in the sauna that is amanda's room. althought i just looked at the clock and it's 12:01, not actually that late.

okay onto the "important stuff". you know when you just really can't be bothered with something? i was looking forward to going out on friday, but when i got in from the city, i took a nap and amanda came in and went SOPH!!! (like it was a crime that i was having a sleep 8 hours before we were due to go out?!) being woken up from that made it increasingly difficult to hype up and get in a good mood for scala. so i didn't bother.
i watched paris hiltons british best friend. cringe and cringe some more.

my cat is making it hard to type right now. aside from what i can only describe as clinically BAD BREATH, he has to try and wriggle his way onto my chest which seems to be his favorite place to sit. and now he is licking himself.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

betrayal five

so i can't stop watching scrubs, series 5 has proved to be a great success.

its 2:35am. i have been attempting to get to sleep for the past hour but i have so many thoughts running through my head it's like clapham junction in there. completely impossible to sleep even though i'm shattered.

i question my own mental sanity sometimes. even though something is in my face, so obvious, i'm so scared of change i would rather live my life doubting myself than speak out and give myself a break.

one thing in my life kept me going. one thing i thought was genuine. the one thing that it was i thought would never change and never ever make me feel as low as i do right now.

i have one question running through my head, but it's the one thing i never want to know. never knowing is going to haunt me for a long time- this is a good example of ways in which i torture myself.

i don't know if i'm okay, but i can put on a brave face and hope and pray that nothing like this will ever happen to me again.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

a lack of sleep and a lack of food

the past week has been...well pretty much amazing. i found myself soaking in the bathtub last night making darth vader noises to myself, feeling the most relaxed i have been in a while since i haven't had any time to myself.

after faye and i ventured to oxford last thursday, we have been non stop ever since; to sum it up briefly without rambling, since thursday has been filled with- kris roe acoustic show, staying up all night watching r kelly - trapped in the closet, fayes house, night out in reading, every cocktail on the wetherspoons menu, free sunday lunch at ethan's pub, loose women, you me at six video shoot, sheen & finally i got to relax yesterday.

it was brilliant!

Friday, 23 January 2009


yesterday was a spontaneous day which i love. spontanity is an exciting thing. faye and i decided to go to oxford last minute to jon's show. it was a good night indeed but who knew you could get lost on the M25?!

i haven't said a single word about america having a new president but i think i hate america a bit less now. george bush is one of the worst things to happen to the world and i would feel fully ashamed to have that pillock running the country i live in.

tonight should be good, kris roe from the ataris acoustic show in camden. just what you need after having to endure escape the fate the previous night. i have never seen such an awful band in my life.


Wednesday, 21 January 2009

fontana di trevi

only in my personal favourite city in the world which is ROME (beats New York, Paris, Athens and London hands down) can you walk down a back alley and not only find this beautiful piece of architecture but also possibly THE best ice cream parlour in the world. and if you like those toy things that are filled with flour that you can make faces out of, theres always some intersting character who looks like he floated into italy on a lilo selling them. beautiful.


HEEEYYYY it's waffle time it's waffle time

nothing to do with waffles whatsoever but i made an omelette earlier. yes i had to ring my nan to ask how to make it and yes i am completely kitchen retarded. siiick omelette in the end though!

jon left for tour today which is sad times for me because i have no one to snuggle in bed, apart from the cat but he tends to get up at stupid times and start playing with my feet or scratching the door. grow up vinnie, you're 5 months old for crying out loud.

this weekend should be heaps of fun, seeing kris roe with ethan on friday (the ataris woot woo!) in camden, then off to fayes on saturday for pre drinks, then super mega celebratory 21st birthday times in reading on saturday night, crawling back to fayes after hopefully very drunk and very late.

no work til monday sounds awesome as well!!


shut up iris. i'm 21 and i can breathe and run perfectly fine. i know oap's who have smoked all their lives and are healthier than you. i don't know who you are but maybe the fact you are 'so fat your cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard' is what makes you incapable of breathing and running, give up the supersize instead of the marlboros'.

that said i still don't intend on buying another packet of cigarettes for a while. not because i'm iris, because i'm so skint i have never wanted to convince my dad to invest in my will it won't it work business plan more.

i had to edit this post as i was halfway through it when ethan and faye came round to chill, i just looked at the time and it's 2:42am eeek. scrubs and bed.


Sunday, 18 January 2009

'96 bonnie & clyde

i had a little nap today, i woke up and carried on with life generally forgetting about the concept of time, then discovered it was actually 7pm when i thought it was about 10. so now it's 8:36pm and i still feel really confused so i'm listening to a bit of gangster rap trying to find something interesting to do.

good weekend, new job is going well, saw le rents on friday and had a good old pollo salad from pizza express - seriously amazing try it if you haven't pizza express is definitely not all about the pizza. literally chilled all day yesterday watching films and discovered amanda makes strange noises when she sleeps and wondered to myself why i have not noticed this before.

my 'one sentence' film reviews - pineapple express; okay but not THAT funny if we're being honest. adulthood; seen that before and it was obviously exactly the same the second time round. meet joe black; totally old school and totally bollocks but two loves for anthony hopkins and brad pitt.

all i've done today is strolled into wimbledon and dyed my hair a darker colour. not that exciting. also realised i love notes..finding a little note is much better than getting a text or email. i have a box full of them, i wish i could scan them on here for other people to enjoy/laugh at/be annoyed that they don't get awesome notes.

love life xo

Saturday, 10 January 2009

00:11, 11/01/2009

i have noticed that the most ridiculous things with the smallest insignifigance can give a leeway to a fair amount of bullying. i really can't be bothered to go into detail, i just find it so shocking.

it was the last facedown last night. such a good night spent with 4 amazing people, it is so refreshing to be around people who you know you are having a good time with because they genuinely want to be there with you.

(pics here)!

the night bus home is truly the worst part of going out in central london. there is always, ALWAYS a lot of black men, a large amount of singing and possibly gay sushi eating men using the top level of the bus to find a partner? i have seen this, i remember it vividly because amanda hates fish and the sushi was making her vom.

the walk from the bus stop was truly and literally numbing, my feet froze so much they were numb and i SWEAR it makes you walk weird. luckily it was 5am and no one was around to witness my bambi walk.

i'm pretty tired so i think i should go and join JT in bed.


Monday, 5 January 2009

the myspace fakers atrocity

It is known for ugly and fat people on myspace to stalk and steal other peoples photos, everytime someone tries to add me theres at least several a day who are fake. They will sit in my inbox and rot.

I couldn't give a damn about how other people choose to live their lives, but what really irritates me is how I am in my 20's now and I am still harrassed, so are my friends.

So here is an interesting story. This one girl, who lives in America (aren't most of them silly americans?) has stolen photos from my myspace, is luring an internet boyfriend she obviously hasn't met into her fat clutches, and manipulating innocent myspacer's into thinking shes a genuine californian girl.

Obviously shes not and she needs to get a life. This is her:

She has created this character under the pretence of being a 'sister' to who she actually really is which is:

Maybe the fact she looks like donkey from Shrek is why she feels the need to create a different persona?

To make herself look that bit more real, she is also pretending to be some of my real life friends:

And by commenting herself, for example:
devon sayss;

5 Jan 2009 04:11


im cold, bring me a heater blanket BITCH!

im seriouse.
i dont wanna get outa bed, cuz the hardwood floor will freez my tosies off!
so come up stairs and cuddle with me.
im sooooo cold.
and im bored,
wanna watch CSI?
cuz I DO SO BAD!

come upstairs brat!

Clearly the only person who would want to cuddle with her and watch CSI is her imaginary alter-ego.

I don't know whether to laugh at these people or feel sorry for them.


Sunday, 4 January 2009

Does the word sniffles exist in any other linguo?

Sneeze count this morning is 4, oh dear god I better not be getting ill again. When I'm ill i sit in this shadow of self pity, sipping tea, watching scrubs, worrying about not being at work. I don't think it's humanly possible for me to be catching a third cold of the season.

Right now I could do with a McDonalds breakfast. But what is really in those McMuffin's...the 'sausage' looks exactly the same as the 'burger'. Do they just change the name as the day goes on, they flip those little boards around at 10:30am and the sausage becomes the hamburger? Whats the deal McDonald's? Explain the 'Egg' as well, it's not actually egg is it...come on...wheres the McEggYolk?

Since I failed to obide to the new years 'No Smoking' rule, I have decided on a new resolution. To think before I speak slash be nice. I don't think I'm not a nice person, I have completely grown out of disliking people because I don't like the way they stand or how they wear their eyeliner, I never post ridiculous things on myspace or facebook and I swear to god it makes me cringe unbelieveably that there are 17 and 18 year olds obtruding my bulletin board, posting things about other people, yet they are still too scared to actually mention the poor persons name they are talking about.

I am at the risk of rambling but just sneezed again.


Saturday, 3 January 2009


I haven't updated since the 17th January by the looks of it. Theres no need to give a day to day account of what I have been up to because thats boring and 2008 is over now so lets start with the new year.

Something that seriously bothers me is lies. Okay they're not even white lies they are huge lies which have no point in being told because the people involved are going to find out the truth anyway. I need to make a lot of changes this year and erase this drama from my life. I'm 21 years old, I don't want to be involved in teenagers stupid spats.

So as for new years resolutions, I thought I may quit smoking but I have already failed. I forgot if i'm being honest.

Also this year I need some inspiration and influence. I feel like I have no one in my life who influences me. They think they know whats best for me, but what most people don't realise is that I have a high drive for determination and generally succeed at things I say I am going to do.

Lets say 75% of the time because I was bollocks in college.

Lots of things lined up for this year so lets bring it on hey.