betrayal five

so i can't stop watching scrubs, series 5 has proved to be a great success.

its 2:35am. i have been attempting to get to sleep for the past hour but i have so many thoughts running through my head it's like clapham junction in there. completely impossible to sleep even though i'm shattered.

i question my own mental sanity sometimes. even though something is in my face, so obvious, i'm so scared of change i would rather live my life doubting myself than speak out and give myself a break.

one thing in my life kept me going. one thing i thought was genuine. the one thing that it was i thought would never change and never ever make me feel as low as i do right now.


i have one question running through my head, but it's the one thing i never want to know. never knowing is going to haunt me for a long time- this is a good example of ways in which i torture myself.


i don't know if i'm okay, but i can put on a brave face and hope and pray that nothing like this will ever happen to me again.

a lack of sleep and a lack of food

the past week has been...well pretty much amazing. i found myself soaking in the bathtub last night making darth vader noises to myself, feeling the most relaxed i have been in a while since i haven't had any time to myself.

after faye and i ventured to oxford last thursday, we have been non stop ever since; to sum it up briefly without rambling, since thursday has been filled with- kris roe acoustic show, staying up all night watching r kelly - trapped in the closet, fayes house, night out in reading, every cocktail on the wetherspoons menu, free sunday lunch at ethan's pub, loose women, you me at six video shoot, sheen & finally i got to relax yesterday.

it was brilliant!

Barack

yesterday was a spontaneous day which i love. spontanity is an exciting thing. faye and i decided to go to oxford last minute to jon's show. it was a good night indeed but who knew you could get lost on the M25?!

i haven't said a single word about america having a new president but i think i hate america a bit less now. george bush is one of the worst things to happen to the world and i would feel fully ashamed to have that pillock running the country i live in.

tonight should be good, kris roe from the ataris acoustic show in camden. just what you need after having to endure escape the fate the previous night. i have never seen such an awful band in my life.

xo

fontana di trevi

only in my personal favourite city in the world which is ROME (beats New York, Paris, Athens and London hands down) can you walk down a back alley and not only find this beautiful piece of architecture but also possibly THE best ice cream parlour in the world. and if you like those toy things that are filled with flour that you can make faces out of, theres always some intersting character who looks like he floated into italy on a lilo selling them. beautiful.


xo.

HEEEYYYY it's waffle time it's waffle time

nothing to do with waffles whatsoever but i made an omelette earlier. yes i had to ring my nan to ask how to make it and yes i am completely kitchen retarded. siiick omelette in the end though!

jon left for tour today which is sad times for me because i have no one to snuggle in bed, apart from the cat but he tends to get up at stupid times and start playing with my feet or scratching the door. grow up vinnie, you're 5 months old for crying out loud.

this weekend should be heaps of fun, seeing kris roe with ethan on friday (the ataris woot woo!) in camden, then off to fayes on saturday for pre drinks, then super mega celebratory 21st birthday times in reading on saturday night, crawling back to fayes after hopefully very drunk and very late.

no work til monday sounds awesome as well!!


also;




shut up iris. i'm 21 and i can breathe and run perfectly fine. i know oap's who have smoked all their lives and are healthier than you. i don't know who you are but maybe the fact you are 'so fat your cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard' is what makes you incapable of breathing and running, give up the supersize instead of the marlboros'.




that said i still don't intend on buying another packet of cigarettes for a while. not because i'm iris, because i'm so skint i have never wanted to convince my dad to invest in my will it won't it work business plan more.




i had to edit this post as i was halfway through it when ethan and faye came round to chill, i just looked at the time and it's 2:42am eeek. scrubs and bed.

xo.

'96 bonnie & clyde

i had a little nap today, i woke up and carried on with life generally forgetting about the concept of time, then discovered it was actually 7pm when i thought it was about 10. so now it's 8:36pm and i still feel really confused so i'm listening to a bit of gangster rap trying to find something interesting to do.

good weekend, new job is going well, saw le rents on friday and had a good old pollo salad from pizza express - seriously amazing try it if you haven't pizza express is definitely not all about the pizza. literally chilled all day yesterday watching films and discovered amanda makes strange noises when she sleeps and wondered to myself why i have not noticed this before.

my 'one sentence' film reviews - pineapple express; okay but not THAT funny if we're being honest. adulthood; seen that before and it was obviously exactly the same the second time round. meet joe black; totally old school and totally bollocks but two loves for anthony hopkins and brad pitt.

all i've done today is strolled into wimbledon and dyed my hair a darker colour. not that exciting. also realised i love notes..finding a little note is much better than getting a text or email. i have a box full of them, i wish i could scan them on here for other people to enjoy/laugh at/be annoyed that they don't get awesome notes.

love life xo

00:11, 11/01/2009

i have noticed that the most ridiculous things with the smallest insignifigance can give a leeway to a fair amount of bullying. i really can't be bothered to go into detail, i just find it so shocking.

it was the last facedown last night. such a good night spent with 4 amazing people, it is so refreshing to be around people who you know you are having a good time with because they genuinely want to be there with you.

(pics here)!

the night bus home is truly the worst part of going out in central london. there is always, ALWAYS a lot of black men, a large amount of singing and possibly gay sushi eating men using the top level of the bus to find a partner? i have seen this, i remember it vividly because amanda hates fish and the sushi was making her vom.

the walk from the bus stop was truly and literally numbing, my feet froze so much they were numb and i SWEAR it makes you walk weird. luckily it was 5am and no one was around to witness my bambi walk.

i'm pretty tired so i think i should go and join JT in bed.

xo